Shoot my face I'll never be published

So, I'm embarking on that fun quest people go on when they finish a book. I'm off to find an agent!

This means I have to write a query letter. Now I'm beginning to understand what all the fuss is about because it's basically a cover letter on steroids. I feel like I'm sumo-wrestling myself and I don't even really know the rules for sumo-wrestling...

Apparently a cover letter is three paragraphs or so. First you have a hook!

Ugh. You know, sometimes I feel like I'm Shakespeare. Then things happen that remind me, no, no you are not. Like this.

I basically wrote this paragraph five times.
Then I began/am panicking because I don't have a hook! Besides the: He's hot and he wants her but they're not going to do anything for 300 pages because they have supernatural family problems. Laughing out loud hysterically here. 

I just started typing and then found myself thinking, Dear Lord, I have no idea what this thing is about or how to make the least bit appealing. 

The Figment blurb is just "Revenge and desire drive a princess and a shapeshifter to join forces."

Not going to lie, on Figment I just relied on my first chapter to get people to read/keep reading. I can't summarize my own work. I sure as heck can't pitch my own work, which is why I'm doomed as a screenwriter for all eternity.

Fortunately I have people who are much smarter and more articulate than I am that I can call friends who support me when I'm an idiot.

I have a version following this prompt. 

So, things are getting a little better. I have two summary drafts, which is apparently the middle paragraph of a query letter. Summarizing me is easy. That hook though... 

I even drafted the outline for a trailer for the nonexistent film version, after being urged to think of it. Good times. That was easy, but there's no movie. 

It's also hilarious that anything I write regarding the romance in the novel sounds ridiculously cliche. I mean, I know I have nothing new to contribute to Romance, but it's glaringly obvious when I sit down to pitch and summarize. Thank God I have vengeance to talk about. What did Twilight's query letter look like? 

I'll drop another post when I have more to contribute...